If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
