The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
