Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
