Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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