burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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