So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
