somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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