Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
