Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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