So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
