Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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