And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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