mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
