WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
