Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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