I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
