I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
