I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
