GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
