i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
