I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
