Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
