I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
