shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
