This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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