I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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