Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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