Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
