He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Acid is not a monday night drug
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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