i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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