Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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