So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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