TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Bring me that man meat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
