I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
