Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
