he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
