I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
