Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
