1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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