At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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