Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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