Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
