Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
