apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
