:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
