I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
