apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
