how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
