Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
COCAINE IS GR8
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
