Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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