omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You are a genius and a whore.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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