i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
