you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
