If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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